For months, i've been searching the meaning of 'trust' or i prefered 'faith' in his eyes. why? all because of , i called her ,'ladybug'. why? everything that she said or told me about him like so real. she said he 'hates' me.
He hates me? thats one of the question or 'statement' that stuck im my head for months. in fact until now. but still i put on smile on my face or be nice to him , act like normal everytime we see each other. but he didnt or wouldnt know that i was crying inside. suffering. i did ask him or told him about what ladybug told me. he denied but didnt convince me that he didnt say all that.and action speaks louder than word. one day, we went out together with our friends. So? I shouldnt go. seriously. if i knew , i wont go.i was hurt. badly. by the way he treated me. Ladybug was true. and the scar remain.still there! but , somehow he still nice to me. ladybug kept telling me about him. what he said about me. not a nice thing. again i hurt. it's on and off. i wanted to scream to both of them "what do you want from me?". feel weak.
we talked about this, trying to find the answer. it's unsolved. but one thing for sure . I killed ladybug.my faith in him? trying my best to re-build. I just want him to be more honest. open. comfortable with me as much as i feel comfortable whenever with him. . if cant, tell me . i'll go. i want happiness. It's all up to him.

only God knows how i feel inside.

happyheartaza