Back to my hometown , I met my schoolmates , Azlin and Lina and yes, with their kids .

We talked a lot..Azlin-the kaki gossip-got a lot of story to tell..and Lina- perempuan melayu terakhir!- always smile.

" Aza , why still single?" like bomb,Azlin asked.

" ya lah..tak bosan ke ?"

"what happened to all your boyfriends?Where's Andrew?"

"Ingat lagi tak kat Nasha?"

"Hello..pause..kejap"
" You still wearing the chain..and the ring..!!!"

gosh! this woman really kapochi!

"Just forget Andrew...Kalau you tak lari dari rumah seminggu sebelum you kahwin,Aza, mesti anak you dah besar kan..",like my aunt , Azlin still want to talk about 'Aza the runaway bride'!!

Well, I'm used to all this ' single -Andrew-kahwin-lari-bla-bla..'

I know they care about me. Andrew, yes I admitted he's my 'true love' . He's my 'Mr Perfect'- smart, caring, fun, leader type. Not so romantic but like to give surprises. He gave me 'freedom' not like other guy who like to control me!.We're together for almost six years, ( but i think two or three years only- coz the first three years I was confused if Andrew and me juz friends). and decided to get married ...

Sadly..both our parents disagreed..

" kamu orang nak kawin? " Papa looked angry that time when both of us told him that we wanted to get marry

" papa tak setuju..kawan boleh tapi kawin tak boleh!papa tak benarkan Andy masuk Islam!"

" why papa?"

" papa kata tak boleh!!"

and they argued in the languange that I hardly understand-hokkien.

I still remember Andrew's face turned red...not because he angry but he cried..lost his word ..I couldnt say anything ...Andrew took my hand and in front of papa he put the ring on my finger and we left the house. Papa still angry ...I was so confused..engaged?

Nothing else we could do that time...all our dreams shattered ...we were 'separated'...

We , quietly ,curi-curi , seeing each other until I realized that we wont be together ...so difficult ..impossible!

It's not that we never try to persuade our parents but...papa ... he has his say...muktamad -NO NO NO!

But we have to 'agree' that we're not meant to each other ..the last time we met he said "Za, put this ring always..dan pakai rantai ni, please , don't forget me".

Yes , until today i still wearing both but this ring is not the one that he gave me.Why? I changed the ring coz my finger getting fatter!

Andrew? I knew he married to the girl ,pilihan papa - Lucky May!

Me?It's not that I dont try to accept other guy after that but ...they just not ANDREW and slowly 'love in me ' faded! Call me stupid ...but the truth is ..I dont have the heart to love and dont deserve to be loved and that's the reason why I ran away from my house a week before my engangement and a month before my wedding! No one would believe that I could do such thing ...such a disgrace to my family but luckily after that they understand coz they love me! So sorry to you, Nasha!I cant marry the guy that i dont and wont love.

Now , to someone out there ,if you read this-I know you will read this blog-, hope you can understand why we can only be friend nothing more than that and dont try to teach me how to love again...

No worry...I'm still happy ...live happily...

happyheartaza