" mom dignosed..confirmed. cancer, liver...stage four...", Liza was crying when she told me about my aunt. Ya Allah, what's happening?
" are you sure? may be got mistake.." , i asked, hoping that what i heard was not true. Cancer? Stage four?
" Dr. Lee told us just now..."
God! why suddenly stage four? not one or two? She's always happy, healthy, like nothing that shows she is suffering . My aunt , my mom's younger sister is a caring and loving aunt. She treats us , nieces and nephews, like her own children.
KL to PJ , to her house, normally take less than 15 minutes but i feel like hours. traffic was clear. still ...like hours.
the moment i saw her, i couldnt believe. pale.weak.
" jangan menangis...insyaAllah tak apa " she said, holding my hand. and my tears dropped.
hard to accept this. but, as Dr Lee said, " Let's give her our best, love and pray"
"politic is dirty!" said a friend of mine.
" aza, i thought you like or last time you said you wanna join politics?" she continued.
I just kept quiet. No, was enjoying my subway.
"what happen? "
" its not only dirty but scary! "
" so?..now you're not interested?"
yeah, my friends know that i have ( had?)interest in joining 'politics'.
but now,no coz its really dirty compared to last time. Dirtier, than one can imagine.
I notice that majority those who join politics have their own agenda. opportunist. cronies.backstabing. what else? service for the rakyat? only some i can tell you who are really work for rakyat. but few of this 'some' no more in politics but still , spending their time and even money to help the people. who? who else la...Dr M and Tan Sri LeeLam Thye. I really admire ( err ..LOVE for Dr M, yes I'm DEEPLY in love with him!!!) them. true politicians.true leaders.
the rest? ermmm....idk!
I m talking CRAP again!
one more week for holidays...cant wait. already in holiday mood.
For months, i've been searching the meaning of 'trust' or i prefered 'faith' in his eyes. why? all because of , i called her ,'ladybug'. why? everything that she said or told me about him like so real. she said he 'hates' me.
He hates me? thats one of the question or 'statement' that stuck im my head for months. in fact until now. but still i put on smile on my face or be nice to him , act like normal everytime we see each other. but he didnt or wouldnt know that i was crying inside. suffering. i did ask him or told him about what ladybug told me. he denied but didnt convince me that he didnt say all that.and action speaks louder than word. one day, we went out together with our friends. So? I shouldnt go. seriously. if i knew , i wont go.i was hurt. badly. by the way he treated me. Ladybug was true. and the scar remain.still there! but , somehow he still nice to me. ladybug kept telling me about him. what he said about me. not a nice thing. again i hurt. it's on and off. i wanted to scream to both of them "what do you want from me?". feel weak.
we talked about this, trying to find the answer. it's unsolved. but one thing for sure . I killed ladybug.my faith in him? trying my best to re-build. I just want him to be more honest. open. comfortable with me as much as i feel comfortable whenever with him. . if cant, tell me . i'll go. i want happiness. It's all up to him.
only God knows how i feel inside.
happyheartaza
Life is God's gift to you.
happy birthday, happyheart!
